Manipulation

Websters Dictionary says manipulate means...to change by artful or unfair means as to serve one's purpose.

Manipulation is an act of selfishness...pure and simple.  We all manipulate people and situations through out our lives.  Usually not in destructive way (I hope).  Like when I really want something, or when I want it my way.  I subconsciously use small degrees of manipulation.  For instance, when I really want to watch a certain movie that my wife doesn't, so I'm quick to remind her that she picked the movie last and that it was a horrible movie and I didn't even want to watch that movie, but I did anyway, etc.  Or I go out of my way to butter my wife up in preparation for something I want.  I might clean the house or be extra nice for a day or two, so that when the time comes that I want to ask for something I can remind her of all that I've done for her.  You get the drift.

But manipulation can quickly get out of hand... especially once we realize it works.  We know who we can manipulate and to what degree.  In my marriage, it's usually light-hearted manipulating, but many people in all types of relationship start taking it to a destructive level.  Usually manipulation involves Guilt.  We've all either used it or been a victim of it.

In our most recent Mens Bible Study at church, our current study dove into the topic of "Character", in which the topic manipulation came up.  We are in Pastor Robert Morris series called, "Dream to Destiny."  (Excellent series by the way).  The teachings are taken out of Genesis and the story of Joseph.  When Joseph was in prison after being wrongfully accused of sleeping with Potiphar's wife.  He interpretted the dreams of two prisoners (the chief butler and chief baker of Pharaoh). The bakers dream had been interpreted by Joseph, that the baker would die.  But the butler's dream was, that in 3 days the butler would be back in favor with Pharaoh and out of prison.  What was interesting is that although the Bible repeatedly says, God had "been with" Joseph, and had given Joseph a clear destiny...He still felt the need to tell the butler to remember him when he was with back to Pharaoh.  It's easy to see why.  We'd probably all do the same thing, right? He wanted out of prison.  He "dropped a hint" to the butler; "he when you get out...remember me so I can get out too.  If  Joseph really believed in the dream/destiny God had given him, and truly trusted and had faith in God to fulfill his destiny why would he need to manipulate the situation and "drop hints"?  Maybe if he had just interpreted the dream and kept quiet, then maybe the butler would have remembered him and maybe Joseph would have gotten out sooner..who knows?  But one thing is for sure, and I quote Pastor Robert Morris, "God does not reward manipulation."

Joseph was looking out for himself.  Joseph tried to manipulate the process that God was taking him through to grow/strengthen his character.  Turns out, the butler didn't remember Joseph once he got out of prison.  Well, eventually he did....2 years later.  But maybe God used that 2 years to really develop Joseph a little more, because God clearly did not reward the manipulation.

Jesus said in John 16:33 that, "In the world, you will have tribulation..."  We will all go through trials and trubulations on this earth.  But those trials and tribulations are what develop our character and get us ready to eventually step into God's purpose for our life.  We don't have to manipulate anyone or any situation...especially God.

Manipulation is selfishness.  The Bible doesn't have anything to good to say about selfishness. In  2 Timothy 3:1-5, it talks about being lovers of selves.   And it lists a bunch of other not-so-great things along side it...like proud, arrogant, unholy, ungratefulness and heartless just to name a few.  But the first thing mentioned is selfishness.  And manipulation comes out of selfishness.  We're al taught to look out for ourselves, and that you have to promote yourself.  But the Bible never teaches self-promotion, that I know of.

Sometimes we're not even aware of when or how often we manipulate people, or circumstances.  But God will bring us through trials and tribulations to try and bring those shortcomings to our attention for correction, and growth...to build up our character.  Romans 5:3-5 says, "and not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character hope.  Perseverance through tribulation produces character.  So if we know we are going to go through tribulation, and we know it is to produce character....the Bible says we should "glory" in tribulation.  Because when we go through any particular tribulation, we are being grown up in His ways.

My wife and I put on a excellent display of manipulation when it came to trying to have a baby.  We were impatience and manipulative.  Obviously we didn't see it at the time.  But we were.  We knew it was our time to have a baby and get pregnant.  We weren't purposely trying to manipulate anyone or any circumstance...but that's what we did.  We had a vision, a promise, that we were going to have a family...and soon.  But when things didn't work out as fast, and couple that with our complications (for more info read older posts titled, M-word) we were willing to try anything...medicines, procedures, whatever was needed to get things moving.  I think back if we had just started trying to get pregnant, naturally, in June of 2010, without trying to manipulate the  process or the circumstance....maybe we would have already had a baby and be getting ready for a 2nd...who knows....well God knows, I guess.  But God had a plan for us, and whether we realized it at the time, or not...we were trying to manipulate the circumstances into our favor.

We took the circumstance of, not getting pregnant into our own hands.  We figured God wanted us to have children...so we are just speeding up the process.  I'm definitely not undermining the fact that many people do need help getting pregnant for one reason or the other...and I've seen that God can use todays doctors and advancements in technologies to help get people pregnant when all hope was lost.  I'm just using my story for reference here.

In the Bible, tribulations last years and years in some instances.  Joseph was in prison for 2 years.  Moses was in the desert for 40 years, etc.  Seems that how we respond to those trials and tribulations is what determines how long they last.  Do we take the time to figure out, why we are going through them, or more importantly, what God is trying to show us, or change in us?  But manipulation will only extend those hard times.

Once we surrendered our own agenda for getting pregnant to God, He moved fairly quickly.  God was trying so hard to open our eyes and to really put our trust in Him, and not just say we trust Him.  I truly believe that.  It took almost a year and a half for us to realize it, though.  To truly trust Him and His timing.  I'm not going to pretend to have a special formula for getting what God has promised you and how to speed up the process.  But once we got in tune with what God was teaching us...how he was growing us....how he was building our character to better use us for His good....things started shifting rather quickly.  Things started working out for our good....in our favor!  And our life has never, and will never, be the same.

Maybe you're in the middle of a trial or time of tribulation.  What is God trying to open your eyes to and/or what is He trying to show you?  Instead of blaming circumstances or others for the position your in...ask God, the Holy Spirit, to show you what needs to be changed in you, what needs to be grown or matured in your character.  God didn't put you in a trial...We often put ourselves into those "pits" or trials.  The Bible says we are going to experience trial and tribulation as long as we are on this earth.  But that we should rejoice in those times because He will use them to grow us closer to Him and better equip us to do what he has designed us to do.  Trials are going to come to all of us...it's our response to those trials that will decide how long we stay in them.  Be quick to listen to the Holy Spirit and to stay in the Word so that we can be delivered through the tribulation...not out of the tribulation.  Don't depend on yourself to get out of tough times.  Trust in God to pick you back up and dust you off.  The world (America) projects an idea that we can do anything that we put our mind too.  But in reality we can do anything through Jesus Christ.  Our flesh will always fall short.

There is no need in trying to manipulate our circumstances or the people around us to get what we want.  If manipulation is the tool your using to get out of trials and tribulations....good luck.  If you know you're a manipulater....stop...ask for God's help, for the Holy Spirits guidance.  God has big plans for you, bigger than you can probably imagine, but you need to grow up first, spiritually speaking (but not limited to mentally, emotionally etc.)...maybe your character needs some fine tuning.

Whats scarier are those that can't see they are manipulaters.  They stay in this viscous cycle of unhappiness and unfulfilledness, and maybe even depression, when the manipulation stops working.  Maybe they start feeling like no one cares about them or no one likes them...or even worse that maybe God doesn't care about them.  That couldn't be further from the truth!  If you've been in a "pit" or a trial for what seems like forever....take a look at your own heart first.  Maybe there is something in your character that needs to be matured.  I'm not talking about flesh immaturity...but not leaving it out either.  The Holy Spirit is probably trying to show you something...trying to grow you in one area or another.  Listen.  Read God's Word.  God does not reward manipulation and selfishness.  Through prayer, ask God to reveal to you in what areas you are being selfish or using manipulation.  Some of us have been in pits for a few months...some for years...some for many years.  But in that time have you changed? Have you grown?  Have you even taken a look at our self/yourself and seen what in your heart needed to be changed for God's glory?  It's so easy in American society to point the finger at someone else, or to pass the blame and never take responsibility for  ourselves.  But there's a reason you're in a pit.  (And it's not because God put you in one).  It's up to you how long you stay in the pit.  God can pick you up and dust you off in a second, but he's more interested in growing you closer to Him, and prepareing you for what He has called you to do for His kingdom.  God won't let you step into your dream or destiny until you're ready for it.

Remember God doesn't need you/me to fulfill His plans...His story.  But he'd give anything (and He did... His son, Jesus) to prepare us for what He has designed us to do.  He wants us to grow, in Him.  He wants to use us to expand his kingdom...when we're ready to allow Him to use us...when we're ready to put our selfishness aside and stop manipulating people and circumstances to get what He has promised us.  We have a part to play in our relationship with God....Believe in Him, Trust in Him, Spend time with Him...and Listen to Him.