Welcome to Family!

By mid-year, 2009, Heather and I had been going to our married-couples Sunday classes for over a year.  I was getting small little doses of God.  Still maintaining a distant weariness about the idea of Christianity (or my idea of Christianity).  I could see the results in our marriage.  The teachings were based on Scripture, Biblical truths, and God's word...but...still...Could I surrender to Him, could I accept Jesus as my Savior, could I really be a Christian with all my imperfections?

To borrow and expand upon an analogy from my pastor:  God's kingdom is like the biggest, freshest, best all-you-can-eat buffet that you can ever imagine (actually beyond what you can imagine)!  We need to be fed by His word, His promises, His gifts.  Their are Christians and church-goers all over America who are starving for God's love, blessings, and gifts...but they/we never decide to (or are never convinced of their righteousness in Him to) just walk up to the buffet and get these things from Him...receive them, as He so generously gives to us.  At this time in my life, we were attending Sunday school lessons, but never actually a church service and never truly accepting Him.  It was like me standing outside of His Heavenly restaurant with an extravagant buffet inside and settling for just the samples people would bring outside to us....of the salad bar!  Not even the meats, the amazing sides, the  desserts, you know, the good stuff.  The stuff that really fills you up.  And as amazing as the "heavenly" salad was....Heather wanted more...and  I did too.  I just wasn't ready to admit it.

As the summer of 2009 passed, we started having serious discussions about finding a home church.  But the problem was I had a list of things I wanted a church to have and not have.  Things I wanted to hear and not hear.  Things I wanted to see and not see.  Heather just wanted to go to church!  The church experiences she had a a kid were more firey, more loud...more pentecostal, if you will.  When I did go to church as a kid, we went to an Episcopal church.  She was cool with the big choirs and the loud preaching.  I was cool with peaceful organ playing and following a script each week.  ( I don't mean that in condescending way...as a kid it just felt like we did the same thing every single week.).  Heather didn't wanna read from a script, or be "bored to death" or be put to sleep.  And I didn't want to get yelled at or listen to a choir, or even a worship band.

Thanks, http://www.ellehines.com/

Heather finally convinced me that we needed to get serious about finding a home church.  Our marriage was getting better and better by the month.  We had big plans of starting a family.  But we needed to be rooted in a church.  Somewhere we could grow and somewhere our future children could grow as well.  I had never been church shopping before.  I was kind of excited about it to be honest.  We knew we'd have to compromise on what "style" of church we wanted, even though we had different views on what that looked like.  Living in the south, we had many, many, many options....did I mention how many options we had?  If you go online and search "church" and my zip code....nearly 400 church organizations pop up within a 10 mile radius.  Crazy.  So, with too many options we sought out some family suggestions.  We had been enjoying the Sunday school classes with my father-in-law and my step-mother-in-law.  Heather's step mom had heard about a church close to us that a family member had attended or used to attend, or something like that.  Details were sketchy, but it was a place to start.  We heard it was a non-denominational church.  (We were wrong about the whole non-denominational thing, but I'm glad we didn't realize we were wrong before we actually went).  Which to me sounded cool for some reason.  Certain denominations turned me off, or Heather off, for some reason.  Even though I had never been to them.  You start building up stereotypes in your head of what "those" churches were like.  The church's name that had been suggested to us was Lakeshore Christian Fellowship. Sounded cool, peaceful, Christian-y, fellowship-y, and reminded me of the lake, so sounded relaxing. I was anxious, but excited to try it out.  It would be one of many churches to try...so I thought.

So, the Sunday morning we were gonna start our church shopping had arrived.  We went to the church. Got there early (visitors always do...but ironically regulars always come last minute or late). Sat in the back, of course.  My fears were about to come true.  Someone was coming up to us to talk to us, to actually get to know us, welcome us, and introduce themselves.

Got passed the welcoming part.  Worship started.  I saw people all around me worshipping God, while I was just taking it all in.  I had never been to a church that had worship team/band.  But I liked it for some reason.  I was against the whole idea of hearing modern worship music, but I had to admit, I liked it a lot.  It felt real, and genuine.  Not just a show.  Then the pastor was up on stage.  In  my mind, this is when I was ready to pick apart all the things I wouldn't like.  But almost immediately, I was drawn in.  The pastor wasn't preaching condemnation on me.  He was encouraging.  He spoke of  "a relationship with God."  That idea was foreign to me. It would take weeks and months for me to be convinced that I could have a relationship with God!  The pastor was teaching me, not preaching at me.  But not teaching me to be smarter about Bible stuff.  Teaching me that I needed a Savior and I could have a personal relationship with the Creator.  I was captivated about church for the first time in my life!

As I've mentioned before, I'm like an onion.  I need to be convinced and stripped in layers.  Lakeshore had peeled off one big think layer on one Sunday.  And it felt good.  After church, Heather and I were driving home and couldn't wait to share our opinions with each other.  We both liked it.  It was way more out of my comfort zone, but yet, I liked it.  I had felt stirred on the inside.  Heather felt it too.  But we then started comparing the "style" of the church.  I didn't like people raising their hands during worship.  It made me feel uncomfortable for some reason (probably because I had never experienced true worship before that time).  I think Heather expected a little more fire, a little more shouting, or a little more people.  But all in all, we liked it!  I think Heather was so surprised that I liked it, that it caught her off guard.  We both had made our minds up that we would continue church shopping and not settle for the first church we tried.  But we just felt like we needed to go back to Lakeshore again.  We felt something there immediately and another week would help us decide if it was a one-hit wonder or if could we see ourselves here...long term.  So, the next week we went to Lakeshore.  Then we went again.  And again.  2 and 1/2 years later...it's the only church we've been a part of.  The only church I have ever been active in.  Only church I've gotten a real foundation for my Faith.  Sometimes you just know when you're at the right place, at the right time, in your life.

(In case someone is close by and interested...http://lakeshorecf.com/)

I don't wanna sound like a church salesman, but I just want to say that after  2 and a half years; I have grown and changed so much.  My church family has been amazing to me and my wife.  We have been so blessed by so many people that I can't even keep track.  Some have came and left the church. But they are forever in our hearts because they became friends that played a huge part in our excitement for...and commitment to God.  My church has softened our hearts and opened our eyes.  Love was confirmed, Hope was renewed, and our Faith has come to Life!

With all that said, I'd love to take a moment to encourage anyone who doesn't have a home church to try and find one, and commit to it.  Finding a church can be hard.  But we were designed to "do church together."  To fellowship and grow the kingdom of God together.  Have an open mind in your search.  Find a church that teaches/preaches from the Bible.  It is God's word written to us.  God's love and desire for us is so immense that we can't truly comprehend it.  Find a church that helps you grow in a real relationship with God.  You will not be disappointed.

Back to me being an onion.  Most Christians I know all have a story of a day and time they gave their life to Jesus and accepted Him.  Maybe you're even curious, "when did u get saved, Dusty?,"  I say "sometime between Christmas of 2009 and Easter of 2010."   And then I laugh.  Because I don't know the time and date.  I was being convinced little by little.  I had actually started living a Christian lifestyle without accepting Him.  Sounds weird, I know.  Maybe in my heart I accepted Him before I realized it.  But I had never spoken it out load.  One church service we were giving the opportunity to say a prayer accepting him for the first time.  And I said it, and I meant it from the bottom of my heart!  And every time the opportunity came to accept Him, I said it again.  And again.  It took me awhile to truly wrap my head around the idea of actually being part of the Kingdom of God.  I felt like I had to keep reminding myself and God that I was all in.  Each time, I was like, "ok this time i really mean it."  Next time..."i really really mean it."  Then I really really really meant it.  I was still so immature in my faith.  But faithful none the less!

By 2008, I was pornography free.  By 2009, we found a church.  2010 started off amazing with our new acceptance of Jesus Christ. Our marriage was flourishing.  In May 2010, Heather and I made a decision to start a family.  It was our dream to have family!  But the painful and difficult path towards that dream would rip our hearts to pieces, and would force me to question my new found Faith in the God that I had grown to trust.  How could God let us down?...let us experience so much pain?...

...tune in soon, for the whole story...

Like Children in Christ...

I've been working on a long, time consuming blog entry that just is taking longer to put into words.  But hopefully this quick illustration or visual will hold me and you over for a least a day or 2.

I've heard being "saved" or "born again" compared to a natural birth (into this world).  In the sense that we are born into this world as babies.  We need milk, we need someone to take care of us, and to carry us (ex. we can't walk).  And then we begin to crawl and then progressively  learn to walk and become more independent.

Our spiritual "re-birth" is similar in comparison.  When we are reborn spiritually, we start off as being milk-fed the Word.  We rely on our pastors...a lot.  To teach us and grow us.  Then we begin to crawl...then walk, etc.  Some Christians stay in the infancy stage of Christianity.  We just kind of wait to see what we will be "fed" next.  And trust God will just take care of us.  But we must grow up eventually to truly be transformed. We need to grow in our relationship with Him through his Word.

As I'm going through the stages of making big decisions for my life, I am reminded that I am not quite a "baby" in Christ but not yet mature either.   I'm asking for His wisdom and waiting for the "ok" from God.

I  had a mental picture of a toddler just learning to walk.  At the age where he sort of knows what he/she should be doing or not doing.  When they are in unfamiliar territory, they are walking and exploring but constantly looking back for mom and dad to make sure that what they are doing, or where they are going is right...or wrong.  They may hear a "no" which signals; stop, turn back or don't go any further.  Or they may hear, "it's ok" signaling they can keep on....keepin' on.  But sometimes they just get a a reaffirming smile or nod.  Or maybe even nothing.  But they can feel safe that they aren't doing the wrong thing.  Not yet anyway.

I'm like that with God...or I need to be like that with God...not sure right now.  I get a vision for what I want to do or what I think He wants me to do.  But I need to keep looking back at Him.  To make sure I'm "ok" or to see if He gives me a "no, not right now."

Regardless, I need to be ready for and expecting a response.  I need to be paying attention to Him.  I need to trust that He will stop me before I screw this up.  Or at least give me a reassuring nod to carry on.