I've always enjoyed writing, and I'm not sure why. After high school I really wanted to be a journalist....specifically a sportswriter. I didn't finish college, but while I was there I took as many journalism classes as I could. They were the only classes I actually enjoyed, by far. I got a part-time job/paid internship at a local newspaper. Not actually writing anything but I thought it was so cool to be working at real newspaper! I'd answer phones, and enter stats and scores in the "scoreboard" section. It was fun, for awhile, but I started getting bored with it. I had to go in after classes and work up until the deadline which was anywhere from 10:30pm-11:30pm, depending on the day. So I was mostly just working in a cubicle environment with night editors. The people I worked with (maybe 3-6 editors) seemed...depressed. Not that they were actually depressed, but they didn't seem happy doing their job. It began to wear me down after a few months. I came in passionate about journalism and writing, and seeing the people "in the business" be so unhappy just sucked all my passion out of me. I was like, "so this is what it's really like?" Now maybe the reporters, journalists, and people actually doing the writing were much happier...I didn't know. But all I knew was, I didn't wanna be like the "people who worked at a newspaper." I was at a crossroads. My college didn't offer journalism as a major, and the things they did offer didn't really interest me. Combine that with my new outlook on journalism, and I was done. Whatever I did in life...I just wanted it to make me happy. To be excited about my future. So I quit my job at the newspaper, and dropped out of college.
That probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but here I am....writing a blog. Ever since those days of college and the newspaper job, I've been wanting to write...about anything...just wanted to write. Someone at my church said to me last year, "why don't you start a blog?" Then I said to myself, "why not, but what would I write about?" Quickly it was brought up that maybe I should write about being a first time dad. For weeks, I thought about the possibilities...what should I title the blog, how often should I write, how specific or vague should I be? The list of whats, and whens went on forever.
Every time I get ready to start something new, I just bog myself down with questions and insecurities of why it won't work out, do I really know what I'm doing, what I don't know, is now the right time, etc. I procrastinate so much because of that. I'm the type of person, that when I do start something...I'm all in. I'm in it until the task, problem, or mission has been completed. I try to figure out every detail of what may or may not work out, and every possibility until I just drain myself and grow complacent with my original idea or plan. Then I just stall out and nothing gets done. Or I'll procrastinate until nothing ever happens at all. Maybe I have some type of fear of failing or fear of not finishing. But one thing is for sure...once I commit to something...I'm all in. That's how I approach everything in life...good or bad. It's even how I approached Christianity. I delayed and put off accepting Jesus until I was ready to go "all in."
Same for this blog. I put it off for so many reasons, until another church friend gave me a brilliant idea. I wasted so much time thinking about what I might write about...thinking about specifics that I lost sight of the big picture.
Since becoming a Christian, I had heard so many times how important it was to spend time in the Word. Not in a legalistic (check off a box) kind of way. But as a encouragement to really grow in my relationship with Him. The Bible can speak to us if we take the time to listen. But that's the hard part...taking the time...and listening. No one at my church has ever put condemnation on me for not journaling or doing daily devotions, but they have always encouraged me to start. And that I would see the results in my relationship with God and my personal growth, in all areas of my life.
Over the past couple of months, journaling and devotions have really been on my mind. I've been feeling such conviction on not really taking the time to dive into the Word and spending time with God. Every book, podcast, Bible study, and message I've been hearing lately has been a reminder that I'm still not making my time with God, through His word, a priority in my life.
So in a conversation with our church's youth pastor, we got onto the topic of journaling and devotions, and he jokingly suggested I should combine my interest in starting a blog and journaling. What a brilliant idea, I thought. I was motivated to do both, but procrastinated both as well. That same day...this blog was birthed. But I felt like I had to give people the perspective of where I came from and why I am who I am today. My testimony. So now that I've done that...I need to start doing what I originally planned to do...use this blog to keep myself honest and accountable for my journaling.
Now that I've gotten all my "past" out of the way. It's time to start journaling, right? Haha. A couple of Fridays ago, I decided...today is the day. I've read a few verses here and there, and read a chapter here and there. But never did I "journal" before. Never did I take the time to really focus and jot down some notes on what I had read and what God may be revealing or teaching me in through those verses and chapters. I've actually had my physical journal for nearly 5 months. And had never written one word in it. So Friday arrived...
On Fridays I don't have to be at work until 12:30pm, so I had plenty of time to "journal." So I woke up (at 10am, don't judge me...we having a baby soon and I am embracing the idea of sleeping in while I have the chance) and thought before I start this journaling thing, I need to freshen up. But I had so much extra time I thought I would just lay in bed for a bit and watch some SportsCenter first. Eventually, I got in the shower. After the shower I was like...I might as well brush my teeth before journaling. Then after brushing my teeth I was like....I should probably gel/fix my hair now, in case my journaling time goes too long and then I'll be rushed to fix my hair. So I spiked my hair, like I normally do. By this time it's nearly 11:30am, and since I had pre-determined that I would do my journaling downstairs at our kitchen table, I should probably get my clothes for the day and throw them in the dryer to freshen them up as well. (Am I the only person who needs to put my fresh already clean clothes back in the dryer before wearing them that day? Anyone else? haha). Now, I'm finally downstairs and I think to myself....I should grab a bottle of water to drink before and while I'm journaling. So I did. With the type of table we have, Heather is adamant about putting down table place mats and coasters out if we're going to be using the table. So I grab a coaster and place mat. I grab my journal, grab a pen and then think...should I use my iPhone Bible app to read or should I use my actual Bible that has notes, captions, etc in it? I decided to use my phone since it was handy. But then I think...some worship music in the back ground would be nice to listen to. I start scrolling through my music for a few minutes...should I listen to Needtobreathe, Jesus Culture, David Crowder, etc? I decide on Needtobreathe. Then I open my Bible app on my phone and realize that to read a couple chapters, I have to do a lot of scrolling down. After just a few verses, I'm already focused on how annoying it is to be scrolling so much. I need my actual Bible, I thought to myself. So I start looking for my Bible. (How sad is it that I didn't know where my Bible was?) I remembered I had left it in my truck, from church on Sunday. Finally I am back inside and at my kitchen table with my Bible and am ready to get re-focused. But within 30 seconds of getting re-focused, all I can concentrate on is the song playing...I love Needtobreathe and just can't help singing along with them. Maybe Needtobreathe wasn't the best musical selection for Bible reading and journaling after all. So I decide on Jesus Culture. But Jesus Culture did the same thing...got me singing. Then I decide to just turn off the music, but I didn't like the silence in the house, so I turned it back on. This time I just turned it down real low. But then it was too low. I turned it back up. That was too loud. Adjusted it lower again. Finally, I was ready to read...and, more importantly, listen!
What I realized is...taking...I mean...Making time for God is hard, when you're not accustomed to doing so. But making time for stuff we "want" do is easy. Haha. I made time that day for SportsCenter, but rushed my time with God. I'm still working on prioritizing the important things in my life. I'm willing to bet a lot of Christians don't spend enough time in the Word. Not because we don't love God, but because we don't see the importance of it. How can I know what God has promised me, or what He has planned for me, or what He would like to change in me, etc. if I don't take the time to find out.
The world, or some might say the Enemy, will do anything to keep our eyes distracted from God. We have routines, schedules, and "priorities" in life that keep us so busy all the time. Maybe if we'd take just a few minutes with God each day He could reveal new plans for us...maybe even bigger and better plans than we already had for ourselves. Maybe He would free up our schedule to live more practical lives, rather than just being so busy all the time.
I've been part of a men's Bible study every Tuesday morning at 6am for several months now. I know what most people are thinking..."6am?...are serious?...on a workday?" But it has been amazing and now I can't miss it! The very first meeting we had...I completely forgot about, and overslept. I'm not used to waking up before 8 or 9, so the idea of waking up at 5am was completely out of my norm and way out of my comfort zone. It didn't sound fun at all! But after that first meeting I actually made it too, I realized real quick that from now on, I can't miss it. The connections and relationships us men have formed through this once-a-week gathering has truly changed us. We've been able to take time to really dive into studies on the power of our words, the Holy Spirit, relationships, and so much more. Each guy that attends has the same testimony..."Tuesday's are the best day of the work week." You can really feel a difference when you spend the first part of your day focusing on God and what He has in store to teach us. We have been growing in our relationship with each other...but more importantly with God!
I have been connecting some dots recently. If I can feel a real difference, a real presence of God in my life on Tuesday's...why wouldn't I want that same feeling the other days of the week? And my favorite day of the weekend is Sunday. Because on Sunday I am able to focus a part out of my day to worship God and receive a message/sermon/teaching right out of the Word of God. My point is, that I can't always rely on others to bring God to me, or to spoon feed me His word. Well, actually I can do that...but why would I want to? Why would I want to keep God in a "box," or at church? God has been showing me that it is to my benefit that I make time for Him and rally listen to Him each day!
I'm not where I want to be or need to be when it comes to spending time with God. And I'm sure there are plenty of Christians who are in the same position. It's not about condemnation. We're still going to Heaven one day, if we've accepted Him. But God has such a desire to grow us and show us what he has in store for us. I don't think He wants us to just rest in the fact that we are going to Heaven, but wants us to experience Heaven on earth. He wants us to grow closer to Him and not just live and struggle on this planet like everybody else. We should be living supernatural lives! So that others around us can see God working in our lives. We need encouragement in tough times, we need healing (physical, emotional, spiritual), we need correcting, we need to hear the promises He has for us, etc. We all want these things and more, but do we really take or make the time to sit down, alone with God, and actually listen. His words are right there...all we have to do is open our eyes, hearts, minds....and Bible.
I don't have it all figured out, but God does. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but God does. God knows everything about me/us...my/our strengths, my/our weaknesses, my/our dreams, my/our plans, my/our insecurities, etc. And I believe He is so anxious to help me/us in all these areas...If I/we will take the time to LISTEN through His Word!
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